No, Never
by Darkness of Rose
Summary: This story takes place shortly after you meet Elk in Mia in .hackINFECTION. Elk loves Mia but his own feelings of inadequacy make it hard for him to express them and so he admires her from afar.


"**No, Never"**

_** Written: June 10, 2006 **_

_**by Darkness of Rose  
**_

Author's note: I finally managed to write another fanfic after "I promised…" Well, this is my second one so far; it was made in a moment of pure inspiration when I was in my 'zone.' Well this one is about the .dothack series and it takes place in the first part of the series .dothack//infection right at the beginning after you get the bracelet and meet Mia and Elk. It focuses on my all time favorite .dothack character Elk (who is so much like me!) and it should be familiar to all those people out there (including me) who have liked someone but have been to shy to tell them. Well that's all I will say in my intro, happy reading!

Disclaimer: Kite, Mia and cute little Elk are all property of Bandai and not of me...unfortunately.

It is a sad thing to never be able to tell that special someone how you feel,

It is even sadder knowing they don't feel the same way. –Me o.o

He saw Mia approaching. Elk saw the way she held her head up high and boldly stepped through the field without looking for monsters that she gave off an air of outmost confidence, defiance to danger even. It was those same qualities that made Elk's heart beat faster whenever she was around. He loved that about her. How she daringly went up to anyone without hesitation or any sign of nervousness. Mia always did what she wanted and she didn't care what others thought of her in the process. It was an interesting way to live, a good way to live. A way Elk knew he did not live like, a way that he desperately wished he lived like but he knew that he could never be…

Those were the reasons Elk has fallen for Mia, that admiration, which he had never felt about another individual, that lead to what he thought to be love. Mia didn't know it, she probably never even suspected it, after all Elk believed she was the kind of person who attracted others. Simply put, Mia had the air of a leader. Maybe it was all her confidence that made those people follow her, maybe because she always sounded so certain whenever she spoke, maybe it was all that and more. Elk knew he was not a born leader, in fact he was the complete opposite of that; shy, reserved, always following more confident leaders, always unsure of his own thoughts and actions. Elk had always hesitated before doing anything whereas Mia always seemed to jump in headfirst. Yes, Elk was completely different than Mia and she than he.

Though he loved Mia, deep in his heart he knew it would never be. How could a confident person such as she ever love, let alone stand, one such as he? No, it was impossible and he hated himself for loving her, hated whenever those thoughts of them being something more crossed his mind and yet it was only when he was with Mia that he felt whole, that that unbearable pain in his heart was gone. And that the days seemed brighter and positive, that he always had a smile on his face.

Elk himself despised and loved how he felt about her.

Elk would never forget the first day Mia had spoken to him. He had barely been 'on' for two days and was purchasing some potions when he first happened to lay his eyes on her. It was Mia's appearance that had caught is attention. It startled him; he had not known players like that were possible. Elk had desperately wanted to ask her how she had achieved the appearance of a cat but like he always did he hesitated and said nothing. He stared too long so that Mia noticed him and stared back at the wavemaster with her confident air and intense gaze she always seemed to posses. Her gaze had made him uncomfortable, Elk had never been able to look others directly in their eyes, much less people with gazes such as hers, and he dropped his gaze to the familiar ground.

"Hey you," she had said with that air of confidence. Elk had looked up at her for a split second before lowering his gaze to the floor once more.

"Excuse me, I'm talking to you." Elk stared at Mia once again and pointed to himself, she nodded.

"Yes you. I just noticed you were looking at me. Is there something on your mind? Do you have something to say to me?" Her confidence had shaken him but he managed to shake his head.

"Relax, there's no need to be so nervous. You can ask me anything. I won't mind."

"It's really nothing important," Elk had muttered. Mia had then looked into his downcast eyes and, with one hand on her hip, she bent to Elk's face and nodded.

"Yes, I know what it is. You wanted to know how I managed to make a character like this, is that right?" Fearing the worst, Elk slowly nodded.

She replied oddly, "Well lets just say there are a wide range of modifications that can be done to 'The World'." Elk nodded, not really understanding, and began to walk away.

"Wait," she had said, "would you like to go explore a dungeon with me? There's a lot of monsters and since I don't have much SP or even good healing abilities I haven't been able to make it far. But if you came—since you are a Wavemaster—I might just able to reach a Gott statue and the aromatic grass there. So what do you say? Join me? An inexperienced Wavemaster can't make it too far by themselves too you know." Elk looked at her, thought for a moment, and finally nodded.

"Ok…I have no idea where to go anyway."

Nodding Mia replied, "Then it's settled from now on we work together." From that day on they had always gone in search of aromatic grass together and they quickly became friends. Elk always gave her gifts he found on the field and upon logging in his first thoughts were to find Mia.

Elk kept staring at Mia from across the field, head up high and ears perked up she looked as confident as ever. Looking at her Elk remembered the day Mia had approached the Twin-Blade, Kite, and had begun talking to him about a bracelet he apparently possessed. Elk had felt a wave of jealousy swell up inside him like never before when Mia had grabbed Kite's hand and in the way she had seemed to bat her eyes at the Twin-Blade as she left and in the brazen way she had said, 'See you around,' while leaving them both behind. Elk had always wanted Mia to give her those looks and use that tone with him but she never had and now she had done it to some unworthy Twin-Blade. It burned Elk up with an anger he had never felt before. Elk had then stared at the turquoise-haired Twin-Blade to see what it was Mia would like about him but he promptly stopped when he noticed the blue eyes staring back at him. He had let out a gasp and had then proceeded to run after Mia.

Just remembering that instance Elk felt a fresh surge of hatred and jealousy towards Kite because deep down he knew that Mia would rather choose the Twin-Blade over him. After all, Kite was courageous and confident whereas Elk himself was really a coward and he had no confidence. Yes, Mia would be better off with the Twin-Blade but yet…Elk couldn't bring himself to stop loving her. Kite always jumped into battles alongside Mia while all Elk could do was stand back. Elk tilted his face up towards the blue sky; it wasn't fair he was that way. It wasn't fair he couldn't fight alongside Mia, that he had no special powers for Mia to admire. Elk had no control over whom Mia could like.

The tears began to well up in his eyes, burning him and making the whole sky look blurry.

How did he ever hope Mia to return his feelings for her if Elk didn't have the confidence to tell her how he felt? It was all up to him, but he didn't know if he could ever bring himself to tell her.

Even if he did tell Mia she liked the Twin-Blade better, Elk could tell by the way her eyes glowed when she spoke to Kite, how she followed Kite's every command in battle.

Yes, he did not even begin to compare with the Twin-Blade. It was foolish for him to even dream so. No, Elk could never—would never—tell Mia how he felt. Elk looked at her approaching figure as the tears continued streaming down his cheeks.

_No, never._


End file.
